Negative

Negative. I decided to look the word up in the dictionary.

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This is the definition that stood out to me the most. For the better part of my life I’ve been called negative. So much in fact, that my blood type of “B +” became a running joke.

Negative: lacking in constructiveness, helpful ness, optimism, cooperativeness or the like.

I can’t even begin to count the amount of tears my shoulders have soaked up, the pages worth of advice I’ve given, the suggestions and words of encouragement I’ve given people. It baffles me how ALL of that, EVERYTHING can completely be eclipsed and all that is seen of me is one big black shadow of negativity.

Now granted, my viewpoint of my own life borders on depressive and dismal on my bad days but I have good days where my hopes goals and dreams outshadow the bad. I have days where the things I want to accomplish push me forward and motivate me. Why is that nothing but the bad is remembered? I don’t know why I bother (there she goes with the negative thinking again).

Since I am so “lacking in constructiveness, helpfulness, optimism”, I’m just going to further retreat into myself. Its obvious that trying to be a complete person and having 100% of my emotions used is pointless. So fuck it.

I know. Negative right?

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